Month: September 2012

Life, Cancer and the Hamster Wheel


Just when you think life is starting to calm down as much as life can calm down with Stage 4 cancer, something throws you another challenge, just to see if you’re paying attention. Isn’t that Murphy’s Law … anything that can go wrong will?? Well that seems to be my life now … and maybe always has been, even before cancer. Here’s how the latest Murphy’s Law episode goes:

A couple of months ago, I’m finally starting to feel better, I’m walking up to a mile-and-a-half a day and getting organized for my son’s Bar Mitzvah. Then — bam! — my oncologist tells me I have chronic tonsillitis and it’s affecting my immune system. They gotta go, he says. Are you kidding me????!!!!!!!!

So here I sit today, recovering from yet another surgery. What a difficult procedure this was. The pain … oh my. Sometimes I feel like a hamster on one of those wheels and I just go round and around and get absolutely nowhere. Frustration is what I feel the most. I have so much to do. My children started school, and here’s yet another year that I’m missing their open houses and missing more soccer games. Boy does this get old fast!

Now, if I choose to look at the situation differently, I could say this has been the best diet I’ve ever had. Holy cow, even if I wanted to eat … it hurts. How cool is that??!!! My son’s bar mitzvah might not be organized and I might not be able to speak to anyone during the event but, damn, I’m gonna look good! I think I’m gonna have to have my dress altered. How screwed up is that thinking??

Well, screwed up or not, I’m looking forward to getting out of this bed and back to my active life. Getting back on that hamster wheel until the next bump knocks me off … then I’ll get back on and start all over again. Because that’s my life now, and I need to go with the flow. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier to understand, or always seem fair, but I’m lucky that I’m strong and tenacious enough to keep getting on the wheel.