Is it just my imagination? I need to know now

Imagination is a funny thing. As a parent, I’ve loved watching my children at their various stages of development using their imagination in the most remarkable ways. Imagining they are fighting dragons with swords or hosting tea parties filled with impressive people. And as they grow, their imagination grows with them. Imagining they will score the winning goal on the soccer field and be carried off to the roar of the crowd, or playing piano for kings and queens. How marvelous!!!

But for me, not so much. Lately my imagination has been running wild with scenarios no one should have to imagine. A couple of weeks ago, I got a bad PET scan. Not a good thing for a stage 4 cancer patient. Of course, the doctors want to put me through stages of grueling tests to rule out this and that, but I already know. … Or do I? Is it my imagination running wild or is the cancer really back?

I am a fighter not willing to sit around and wait for them to take more tests and compare this to that, so I must find the truth quickly. I don’t have the luxury that children do to allow my imagination to run wild. I must push my doctors to upturn every stone. I need to know what I’m up against.

I realize this is probably not a good thing, but I am in battle mode now. I have my sword out, and the fighting begins again.

6 comments

  1. Dear Viki … As from my previous post … all ‘any’ of us have is this ‘moment’ – nothing more. Not one of us have tomorrow … none of us. The sad part is that most people take ‘tomorrow’ and the current ‘moment’ for granted only to find they don’t have a tomorrow or any more moments … and that is that. You, however are a great example (to many) of how to appreciate and value the ‘todays’. How to enjoy and appreciate the ‘moment’. So – in this day find and embrace the great moments … your children’s laughter (or mischief), a taste of favorite food, the smell of a flower, the sunshine and even the quietness of a rainy day – all those things most meaningful. Right now – there is someone ‘assuming’ they will have tomorrow and more moments, only to find they won’t – but more sadly – only to find that they never appreciated the gift of the moments they were given for their lifetime. You,however appreciate the moments … and you give us all a gift in seeing and living those moments more clearly. So, you just get out that sword and you just do what you need to do … but don’t forget the ‘moment’s’ … don’t bypass that flower without the moment to smell its fragrance, don’t miss the moment to give someone your smile (who probably needs it more than you know.). You are surrounded by love, and strength of so many … we too are sharpening you sword. However, when you go to bed tonight … ask yourself – what was the great moment of the day 🙂 ? What did I do to help someone have a good moment ?

  2. I know I have said this many times but you are the strongest woman I know You handle chaos with style and grace, always taking time for others rather than being selfish. I know your battle sword is sharpened and you will kick ass.
    While you are in battle mode there is another army of people behind giving oyu unconditional love, strength and support.

  3. Hi! Just found your blog. Excellent writing! I am also a Stage 4 BC mom (single mom of 2, ages 14 and 10). I just started a blog, myself… rabbijanice.wordpress.com.
    I really appreciate reading your thoughts, and can relate very well to them. Thanks!

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