A Midnight Call for Strength

Let me start today with an apology for not returning to my blog for the last six months. It wasn’t my intention to stop writing. It just happened. All of the sudden, it wasn’t helping me anymore. When I last wrote, I had received a bad PET scan and since then I’ve been struggling with heart and lung problems while continuing my constant monthly chemo. And here’s a shocker … sometimes all the doctors can be so overwhelming!! I’m writing today still without resolving many of those new problems, but I suppose I am moving forward in spite of the unknown.

January, I’ll be sick 3 years. The doctors didn’t believe I would still be here, but I knew I would. And, now, I’m feeling restless. Restless, because I’m just getting sick and tired of the many doctors, all the surgeries and all the pain that is constant in my body. Let me be clear,  I will never give up on me, I will never feel sorry for me, but I will allow me some time to acknowledge the fact that I really hate all this crap. All the doctor appointments and all the time it takes to poke and prod through a diagnosis.

So please allow me to call on all the sick women out there. A new year is around the corner and we need to come together in spirit when the clock strikes midnight. Close our eyes and call to each other for the strength and support women are so good at giving and sharing. We are women on a mission — mothers, sisters, daughter, wives — and we need to push each other through our difficult times. It can be so lonely shouldering this burden alone, trying to be strong for our spouses, our children, our families and friends. But if with stick together, we just might have a chance. The bottom line is that no doctor or other professional has to create our fate or our days spent. We can do that.

So on December 31st at midnight, I’m not gonna waste my time on silly resolutions. I’m gonna use my power to join all the women all over the world to help each other fight this godawful disease. I hope to find some peace in that quite moment. And I hope to share with all of you.


  1. On, November 22, 2006 I went in for a mammogram because my friend Sandy (she was 10 years out of breast cancer) told me that a lump was nothing to play with. Then I went to the doctor doing the surgery he told me to make out a will, and write letters to my son and help him plan for high school graduation because I would not be there. I not only got to see his high school graduation, but now a second college degree. Dakota is going to graduation from college this May 2014.

    My mother has said it best “only God knows when your time is up and that is why doctors practice medicine.”

    I do not know what the world has in store for me or those around me but I can only hope that I can do what God has in store for me. My friend Sandy was told 3 years ago her cancer was back. We cried together and I could not believe it but she is a fighter and is winning so far. There is not a day that does not go by that I do not thank God for another day. I once asked someone how does one live with cancer or after cancer and she told me “life takes over.” On NEW YEARS EVE I will light 3 candles the first for those who walked this path but did not make it, second for those of us who are walking the path and the third hoping no one else will ever have to take this path!! So Yes, ViKi at midnight I will have my eyes closed sending as much good energy out into the world as I can!!!

  2. Cheers to that, Viki!! You have such a beautiful, direct way of writing your thoughts, I love it. I’ll be adding my thoughts and support to yours at midnight this year and always.

  3. I will be with you in spirit!!! I discovered my recurrence 2 years ago tomorrow. I will also light 3 candles and will send out all the healing prayers and thoughts I can muster. Thank you so much for this!

  4. I love this quote, “The bottom line is that no doctor or other professional has to create our fate or our days spent. We can do that.”

    I am with you in good and bad, Miss Viki! I love working with you for our kid’s parties and Hanukah events. xoxo

  5. Vicki,
    I’m thinking of you, your strength, determination, and smile….I remember from BBYO and it has not changed! Love, positive thoughts and energy coming your way. Say hi to Jere and I’d love to meet your kids!!!!!!
    Hope 🙂

  6. Vicki, not a night goes by that I don’t ask the Lord to give you strength (well, maybe there’s a night or two when I drift off first). But we know something of your challenge. My 25-year-old son had an accident in August that left him with a brain injury, burns and countless broken bones, and my wife continues to live with her cancer. The strength of others has helped us. I hope we all can do likewise for you…Thanks for posting.

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